How Sexual Addicts Think

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Addiction can be hard to live it. It takes everything from you; your health, your good reputation, your relationships, your work. In the end you wind up all alone.

All addicts share common problems. They have distorted perception of reality. The part of the brain that is responsible for pleasure, judgement, decision making, or planning is severely damaged.

And they act and behave according to their belief system. A belief system which is faulty but have come to accept as ‘truths’. They defend themselves with excuses, rationalizations, lies and myths and these keep their addiction in play.

For example, the compulsive cybersex user may rationalize that, cybersex won’t give him STD s or venereal disease.

And the exhibitionist may think she is not hurting anyone by exposing. Or she may gain attention only by exposing. However, not everyone will enjoy the exposurέ, some people may get offended and defensive.

I had this day to forget, recalled Clara. “I was in the elevator with this strange man. Abruptly, he unzipped his shorts and pulled down his pant right before my eyes. I got uncomfortable and turned to my other side

Their impaired way of thinking supports and festers their addiction. The addict believes he is not hurting anyone by his behavior. However, family and friends may suffer seeing their loved one slowly waste away everyday.

Brian is sixteen years old. His dad is separated from his mom. Helen prides herself of working extra hard to keep Brian in school. Her schedule is always hectic that she fails to see that her boy struggles with sexual compulsion.

Brian spends countless hours at midnight behind the computer screen cruising pornographic websites. He is increasingly isolated from his playmates. Nobody knows of his addiction. Like most cybersex addicts, he believes it’s just a game. It’s not real. And he’s not hurting anyone.

During school recession, he’d find a private place to masturbate. He’d vow to stop each time, but after another recession he does it again.

The sexual addict supports his addiction with rationalizations such as;

  • I’m worthless, nobody really cares
  • I can stop whenever I want
  • It’s my way of relaxing
  • my chances of getting STD is zero if I do cybersex
  • I am hurting no one by watching
  • with the stress I’m under, I deserve it
  • I do it because I was sexually abused growing up
  • I use sex to get acceptance and approval
  • cybersex is virtual, it’s not real
  • medical experts say masturbating is healthy
  • I do it to stay out of relationship
  • when I’m depressed, my only way to feel alive is to view nude videos

 

Thanks for reading.

Photo:  Annie Spratt